13 WAYS TO RELIEVE STRESS - Monday, April 13, 2009
13 WAYS TO RELIEVE STRESS
Stress Reliever #1
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'
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Stress Reliever # 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
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Stress Reliever # 3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
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Stress Reliever # 4
Wife to husband: 'What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?'
Husband to wife: 'Golfing with friends, my dear.'
Wife to husband: 'What? At 2 am ?!'
Husband to wife: 'Yes, We used night clubs.'
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Stress Reliever # 5
Father to son after exam: 'let me see your report card.'
Son: 'My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.'
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Stress Reliever # 6
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word 'beans'.
'My father grows beans,' said one student.
'My father cooks beans,' said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: 'We are all human beans.'
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Stress Reliever # 7
Interviewer to Millionaire: 'To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire to?'
Millionaire: 'I owe everything to my wife.'
Interviewer: 'Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?'
Millionaire: 'A Billionaire'
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Stress Reliever # 8
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
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Stress Reliever # 9
A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex?
He replied: Depends, if I can find a phone.
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Stress Reliever # 10
Man to wife on wedding night: Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?
Wife replied: Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others as they never allow me to sleep.
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Stress Reliever # 11
Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S. ?
Answer: Because people started licking the wrong side.
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Stress Reliever # 12
A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: I like your sense of humour.
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Stress Reliever # 13
Doctor to his lady patient: You look terribly weak and exhausted! Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?
Lady replied: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.
*Gotten from a forwarded email by roger ^^
Signing off
Ervin
Labels: LaughOutLoud
11:31 PM -
Funny pictures - Friday, April 3, 2009
One of the most important aspect in life is how you view things!
It determines one's personality and character.
Anyway,
http://www.hongkiat.com/blog/100-funny-photos-taken-at-unusual-angle-humor/
Super funny~
Another funny picture source:
http://onlyfunnyjokes.com/bestoftheweb/2005/11/24/strange-wacky-and-weird-photos-from-the-web/
Hope you had a good laugh =D
Ervin
Labels: LaughOutLoud
10:33 PM -
Engrish ~ - Thursday, December 4, 2008
Labels: LaughOutLoud
11:11 PM -
Funny Pictures - Saturday, November 22, 2008
Labels: LaughOutLoud
12:07 PM -
Uproar Over Insensitive Handling of Bank Complaints - Saturday, November 8, 2008
Source: http://www.talkingcock.com/html/article.php?sid=2671
*Contents are fabricated and are not real*
by Ayam Sakit
The Damn Bloody Shit (DBS) Bank has once again come under fire for being insensitive to customers complaining that they had been misled into purchasing High Risk 5, an investment product linked to Lehman Brothers.
"Wah lau eh, I walked into the DBS branch and instead of a handshake, the relationship manager greeted me by raising his palm and saying, ‘High 5, Lehman Brother!’ Na beh! See me super too lan and can still joke, is it?!” said a visibly upset Mr Boey Tah Han.
However, Mr. Chee Pian Ren, a spokesman for DBS, denied the accusation of insensitivity.
"I did not greet Mr Boey by saying 'Lehman Brother',” he clarified. “ What I said was ‘Hey, man! Brudder!’ and ask him to gimme a high five. It was to show solidarity, that I sympathise with his loss. Management ask us to be friendly and nice, mah. How can he accuse me! First, he can't even read the words 'Lehman Brother' printed on the prospectus, now he can’t even hear clearly?" said Mr Ai Pian Lang. “Our investors are not only blind, they’re deaf and dumb also.”
While DBS have stated that these High Notes 5 investments are now worthless, they are looking to find some form of compensation for their investors.
"Judging by the level of literacy that these people have, we have arranged for compensation in the form of tickets to watch Hi-5, a popular kids play show. I'm sure they will enjoy it and forget all the money they have lost," said Mr. Chee.
Mr Boey expressed disgust at this offer."Basket, DBS think we are chewren, is it?” he fumed. “They chop off my Lehman Brother investment, so I won’t settle for anything less than chopping off their ‘little brother’.
”In related news, the Prem Binister’s Orifice has clarified his recent statement that “government should not be making decisions for individuals.”
Said spokesman Mr. Cheng Hu Kong, “Obviously, that only means decisions that go wrong, lah. We’re happy to claim credit for making all the right decisions for individuals. We just don’t want citizens to get the idea that they can protest and blame the Gahmen when they make the wrong choices. I mean, now it’s over investment. What next? Their vote? Cannot lai dat, mah.”
Labels: LaughOutLoud
12:10 AM -
Laughing Business - Wednesday, October 29, 2008
BUSINESS LOGICS
Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: 'I will choose my own bride!'
Father: 'But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.'
Son: 'Well, in that case...ok'
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: 'I have a husband for your daughter.'
Bill Gates: 'But my daughter is too young to marry!'
Father: 'But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.'
Bill Gates: 'Ah, in that case...ok'
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: 'I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president. '
President: 'But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!'
Father: 'But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law.'
President: 'Ah, in that case...ok'
This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can! Get Anything. But your attitude
Should be positive
What is Marketing?
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.You go up to her and say, 'I am very rich. Marry me!'
That's Direct Marketing
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, 'He's very rich. Marry him.'
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, 'Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me.'
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, 'By the way, I'm very rich 'Will you marry me?'
That's Public! Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, 'You are very rich, I want to marry you.'
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, 'I'm rich. Marry me' She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback
Labels: LaughOutLoud
10:57 PM -