Uproar Over Insensitive Handling of Bank Complaints - Saturday, November 8, 2008
Source: http://www.talkingcock.com/html/article.php?sid=2671
*Contents are fabricated and are not real*
by Ayam Sakit
The Damn Bloody Shit (DBS) Bank has once again come under fire for being insensitive to customers complaining that they had been misled into purchasing High Risk 5, an investment product linked to Lehman Brothers.
"Wah lau eh, I walked into the DBS branch and instead of a handshake, the relationship manager greeted me by raising his palm and saying, ‘High 5, Lehman Brother!’ Na beh! See me super too lan and can still joke, is it?!” said a visibly upset Mr Boey Tah Han.
However, Mr. Chee Pian Ren, a spokesman for DBS, denied the accusation of insensitivity.
"I did not greet Mr Boey by saying 'Lehman Brother',” he clarified. “ What I said was ‘Hey, man! Brudder!’ and ask him to gimme a high five. It was to show solidarity, that I sympathise with his loss. Management ask us to be friendly and nice, mah. How can he accuse me! First, he can't even read the words 'Lehman Brother' printed on the prospectus, now he can’t even hear clearly?" said Mr Ai Pian Lang. “Our investors are not only blind, they’re deaf and dumb also.”
While DBS have stated that these High Notes 5 investments are now worthless, they are looking to find some form of compensation for their investors.
"Judging by the level of literacy that these people have, we have arranged for compensation in the form of tickets to watch Hi-5, a popular kids play show. I'm sure they will enjoy it and forget all the money they have lost," said Mr. Chee.
Mr Boey expressed disgust at this offer."Basket, DBS think we are chewren, is it?” he fumed. “They chop off my Lehman Brother investment, so I won’t settle for anything less than chopping off their ‘little brother’.
”In related news, the Prem Binister’s Orifice has clarified his recent statement that “government should not be making decisions for individuals.”
Said spokesman Mr. Cheng Hu Kong, “Obviously, that only means decisions that go wrong, lah. We’re happy to claim credit for making all the right decisions for individuals. We just don’t want citizens to get the idea that they can protest and blame the Gahmen when they make the wrong choices. I mean, now it’s over investment. What next? Their vote? Cannot lai dat, mah.”
Labels: LaughOutLoud
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